Transcribed from free-hand, free-flow journaling.
I’m a little frustrated today. I’m on my way to work (I still work a full-time job on top of running my photography business); and as I go in I feel like every minute of my time is stolen from me.
Every minute I’m here (at work) is a minute I’m not using to move my business forward.
Every minute spent is a minute I’m not using ot make a connection which can lead to either insight or breakthrough.
Every minute I do this job is a minute I’m not operating at my highest self.
Yet… I’m grateful for the job.
It pays well, easily covers all my bills, allows room for investing in retirement and provides a lifestyle which, by any comparison, could be considered “comfortable”. And, I do enjoy my lifestyle.
The greatest benefit to my job is certainly the alleviation of reliance on photography as my sole source of income. If I had to rely on photography that may well take all the fun out of it.
Yet again… I know the universe always provides for me. She always has. Why would that ever change? I have no reason to believe it ever will. On the contrary; I’ve been provided ample proof in my short time here that she is constantly providing.
And so, for her, I try to operate at my highest self.
My highest level - which brings me full circle. Here, at my job, I do not feel like I am at my highest level.
I feel more like I’m operating at a slug’s pace while my life-force slips away slowly. Is this what the Universe wants? I doubt it! The Great Provider gets a huge kick out of our personal moments worth celebrating.
We would all do well to try & live more of those moments.
Will I ever get these words down somewhere to share? Are they even worth sharing? Does it matter either way? If I’m just a conduit for the Universe’s creative energies… and I’m a visual artist with no access to his tools, what is to be my outlet?
I love education and learning new ways to think about and approach my craft. And, honestly, without this job I probably wouldn’t take or make the time to read the people whose work most influences and inspires me.
DAVID DUCHEMIN | GUY TAL | STEVEN PRESSFIELD
There’s other great photographic artists I want to read - and just need to get my butt down to the library to check out their works:
ALFRED STIEGLITZ | ANSEL ADAMS | ED WESTON
I know, I know. I’m fortunate in this regard: What other job in the world forces you to read or nap (or meditate, ‘zone out’, day dream, whatever) for 90 minutes a day? I know of none. Zero.
Without the reading it would be kind of like the lifeguard at the pool with no one swimming: no responsibility but bored stupid from inactivity.
I think moving into a full-time, highest-self creative lifestyle is much like this. It will be feast or famine; drought or flood.
And it reminds me of my first weekend selling art
I made 4 sales that weekend and three of them were within 90 minutes of each other! That kind of energy is CRAZY! How did that happen? How can I do it more? I’m pretty certain I couldn’t do it all day long, but a little more regularly would be nice. Just not at that crazy, hectic pace.
Every art show is a learning experience. And for that… I’m grateful (as I said - I love learning!)
But now… back to me. On my way to work. Pen in hand. Notebook in my lap scribbling down these lines furiously. The casual reading book by my side.
The one that isn’t by an author that I admire.
The one that isn’t by a write or photographer to whom I aspire to be more like. The book which I’ll never permanently dog-ear or highlight or reference in the future. The entertaining pulp which I have to consume between every 3 or 4 personal/professional growth books as a break. As sheer entertainment.
Yeah… I think it’s time to get into that book now.
Thank you for reading!